Tuesday, 7 March 2017

A Bad Start To The Day

A Bad Start To The Day

“Are you guys ready to go?” Dad shouted down the stairs to me.  “Do we have to go?” I boomed back with a huge yawn that felt like an enormous black hole opening in space.  My eyes were so droopy it felt like weights were attached to them.  I tried to pick up my toothbrush but I couldn’t as my arms were as sloppy as an elephant’s trunk. When I finally got hold of my toothbrush I started brushing my disgusting teeth.  But then I realised my eyes were as red as burning hot fire!  I walked down the stairs like a turtle pushing a giant rock.  Suddenly I couldn’t move...  Am I paralyzed? I thought to myself.  “Let’s go” my dad shouted.  This is the most tiring start ever!

Stacy's Comment:Great work Johann, I really like the image of a turtle pushing a rock! You have tried to use a range of sentence starters, well done! Remember to re-read your work aloud and edit more carefully next time.

My Reflection:I think that I have use some very good similes. I need to improve on editing probably.

1 comment:

  1. I like the way you used a lot of nice similes your next step would be editing probably.